Watching your parents getting older is hard, and having conversations about their long-term care plans can be even harder. Many parents will feel defensive, in denial that they may need help.
It’s an emotional conversation that can be difficult for everyone involved. Your parents may not want to admit that they can’t take care of themselves anymore, and you may have to shoulder more responsibilities as their caregiver and not just their child.
Long-term care planning is never an easy conversation to have, but starting early can give families more time to come to terms with their new reality and more options to give their parents control over their future care needs.
Below, we’ll share conversation starters, tips for addressing parents who are resisting the conversation, and when long-term care insurance can help.
Why This Conversation Matters So Much
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, on average, individuals who reached the age of 65 were expected to live to age 83.5. With advanced age comes advanced care needs, many of which are more complex than the average person is equipped to handle.
That doesn’t mean that your loved one has to receive care in a nursing home if that’s not what they want. There are other options, which is why long-term care planning is so important.
Early planning can help children understand their parents’ wishes. It also gives families time to get their affairs in order, making it more likely they will be able to follow through on their wishes before a health crisis can force rushed decisions.
Broaching this conversation can be hard, but the clarity it provides will help you down the road when care becomes necessary.
When to Bring Up Long-Term Care Planning
If you wait until the perfect time to have conversations with your parents about long-term care needs, you’ll be waiting forever. There will never be a perfect time to talk to your parents about getting older. However, there may be opportunities where it may seem like a more timely and less forced conversation.
Consider bringing up long-term care planning if your parents experience:
- Health concerns, like new medical conditions, changes in abilities, etc.
- Life changes, including moving to a new home or the death of a family member or spouse
- Retirement, especially as they adapt to a new routine without work
- Financial changes, including a move to a fixed income, gains or losses in finances, etc.
According to AARP, about 1 in 4 adults is a caregiver, and of those, 94 percent care for adults, such as parents and other family members. As your parents get older, they may see this in action and experience their friends’ children caring for them.
If you see it when you’re with your parents, comment on it. It can be a good opportunity to discuss caregiving and future care needs.
How to Start the Conversation Without Causing Conflict
Conflict is common when discussing difficult topics, including long-term care planning needs. There are steps you can take to de-escalate the situation, allowing you to have a more productive conversation.
- Choose a calm setting. It should be somewhere they feel comfortable and free to respond however they want, without fear of judgment. Often, this is within a home.
- Broach the topic tactfully. Don’t ambush them with hard and direct questions. Instead, lean into a related topic that can naturally transition to their own plans. For example, if they were injured recently, explain that it made you think about their future care plans. Make a connection to help it feel less like a targeted attack.
- Ask open-ended questions. This will help the conversation be a discussion rather than a series of simple yes-or-no answers.
- Listen first. Actually hear what your parents are telling you about their wishes. If you need to, take notes. Listen to what they are saying, not what you want to hear.
- Focus on your parents’ wishes. Don’t push for decisions they may not be ready to make. The more you try to pressure them, the more they will rebel against you.
You may need to have these conversations several times before you reach a resolution. Even then, you may need to meet with a financial planner and long-term care insurance professional to help understand if their wishes are even possible.
The sooner you begin planning with your parents, the more likely you will be able to honor their wishes.
Key Questions Families Should Discuss
Coming with a list of questions can help the conversation flow more easily. If something doesn’t make sense, don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions. Ideas of questions you can ask include:
- What type of care would you prefer?
- Do you want to receive care together?
- How long do you want to stay at home?
- Who is available to help you if care is needed?
- What happens if you need more care than you can receive at home?
- What financial resources do you have available?
- Do you have legal documents (power of attorney, living wills, etc.) in place?
- Do you have long-term care insurance or other policies that can help with care?
Remember that just because you have a list of questions doesn’t mean that you have to get through all of them. Don’t rattle them off and make it feel like an interview you’re rushing through.
Take your time and listen to your parents’ responses. What they say may surprise you, but try to listen without judgment. Call in the financial, legal, and insurance professionals to help you understand options and guide your conversations.
And if they don’t want to have the conversation, don’t push it. Try again another day. Eventually, you will get through to them.
Common Reasons Parents Resist the Conversation
Parents are used to being the caretaker, and the role reversal can be disheartening. Many parents experience emotional barriers that can cloud their judgment and cause them to lash out with:
- Fear of the unknown
- Denial of their needs
- Anger over the loss of independence
- Impatience that the family will figure it out later
These heightened emotions can cause children to mirror their parents’ energy, leading to dead-end conversations. Instead of devolving into old habits, adult children should respond with empathy instead of pressure.
Take a deep breath, try to see it from their perspective, and give them some grace. Hopefully, they will come around.
Long-Term Care Planning Options to Review Together
Once your parents are ready to have the long-term care conversation, there are several care options that you should go over together which include:
- In-home care, which can include medical care, therapy, or assistance around the house, can help them age in place
- Assisted living, which is independent residential living with supportive options
- Nursing homes, which include supervised medical care within a facility
- Memory care for those suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia
- Family caregiving support, leaning on family members to help care for your medical needs, transport you to doctors’ appointments, etc.
Once you understand the type of care they’d like to receive, you also have to discuss how to pay for it. Most traditional insurance plans do not cover long-term care, so you will need to pay out of pocket from personal savings or use specialized insurance, such as long-term care insurance, to cover care.
Why Planning Early Can Protect More Choices
It’s never too early to have conversations with your parents about their care plans. In fact, it can actually help protect their wishes by providing more choices.
- Compare options. Your parents may not yet have pre-existing health conditions that exclude certain options or LTC policies.
- Prepare financially. Your parents can set aside money in a savings account, secure long-term care insurance, undergo estate planning, and more.
- Avoid last-minute decisions. If something happens to your parents and there isn’t a plan for their long-term care, you may be left scrambling to find care.
Ultimately, early planning can help you and your parents put a clearer care strategy in place. There will be no questions of the type of care they want to receive or how it will be paid for, reducing financial and emotional burdens from their adult children.
When It Makes Sense to Speak With a Long-Term Care Insurance Professional
Long-term care insurance is a great option for many families, but it can feel overwhelming at first. LTC insurance advisors can help families understand:
- Coverage options, including various exclusion periods, policy terms, etc.
- Costs, including inflation riders that may increase the monthly premium annually.
- Timing, like how long you have to have the policy before you can tap into its value.
- Insurance viability: not everyone qualifies for LTC insurance, so they can provide informed recommendations on options that can fit your situation.
You can shop around for different quotes and opinions before you sign with a broker if you want to ensure you’re getting the best advice and policy price. Just remember, LTC insurance premiums increase with age, so don’t wait too long.
Conclusion
Conversations with your parents about long-term care needs and their finances don’t have to be perfect. In most cases, they will be messy, and that’s okay! The most important thing is that you start to have them, and you continue to make progress over time.
Lavine LTC Benefits is here to help when you’re ready to meet with a professional. We have years of experience helping families explore long-term care options. You don’t have to navigate these challenging conversations yourself.
Reach out today for guidance and learn more about options for securing your parents’ long-term care needs.